Who Passed the Gas?

Ahhhh…… Here we go again. I have spent several days soaking up cable news and talk radio opinion much like a urinal cake soaks up unpleasant aromas. And just what topic could make me subject myself to such punishment, you ask? The IRS scandal? The NSA spying scandal? The blatant disregard of the Constitution that our (s)elected officials swore to uphold? The National Healthcare debacle? Booooring. That’s so last week. I have been watching, reading, and listening to the incessant beating of the war drums taking place in America by our Elites.  Who cares that almost all of us regular folks, that’s code for moron in Washington by the way,  want nothing to do with this. 

  Establishment types on both sides seem to be blaring the call to war  like those annoying weekly standard tests that mess up my CSI reruns.  How strange. I keep getting this weird feeling of deja vu….. I vaguely remember another middle eastern country with a “dictator” that was gassing his own people and threatening “instability in the region”. We needed to “form a coalition”, and “keep all options open” to stop the slaughter.
I don’t remember……. did that work out well? In the scheme of things, there was far more evidence of WMD use in Iraq than there is in Syria. The scary thing, actually it would be funny if not so frightening, is the same bobbleheads that predicted doom and failure in Iraq are calling for action in Syria. WTF? I thought the main source of trouble in the world was an Imperialist America that couldn’t mind it’s own business. In fact, I thought we elected the current political leadership based on an opposition to this kind of fiasco.
So here we are…. The president is on TV, red-faced and irritated with having to answer questions from a foreign press that isn’t in line for his autograph after his not-so-stellar golf round. I found it ironic, if not a little sad, that while meeting with the Swiss Prime Minister our Duffer in Chief decided to give a little lecture about military action in Syria. That’s class ladies and gentlemen, giving a war mongering temper tantrum while standing next to the leader of an officially neutral country.

I am appalled at the lack of outrage by our press, and also by the “Code Pink” groups of the world. We have ZERO evidence that Syria has used chemical weapons. You say, ” no way. man! The POTUS says we have intelligence that there are WMD’s!”…. Well, I can remember a different POTUS saying pretty much the same thing. So, that guy was wrong and needed to be condemned by history, but this guy is awesome, not to mention completely trustworthy, right? Good to know Obama is on track to earn the Nobel Peace Prize he received awhile back.
And where are the calls for caution in this rush to conflict? Nowhere, that’s where. You’ve good ‘ole John McShame calling for action. You would think a guy held in a cell for several years by an undeclared enemy would calm down a little bit before possibly sentencing scores of young Americans to the exact same fate. Speaker Boner now calls for the same. All that’s left is for that manliest of all senators, Lindsey Graham, to declare in a loud, lispy voice, ” Leths go to waaah!”. Watching these idiots let themselves be cornered by possibly the most incompetent executive to ever hold the office is mind blowing. Let me get this straight, the prez says “I’m making a red line you can’t cross!”, and when it’s allegedly crossed, suddenly it’s “our” red line, or Congress’ red line. I love how when Barry talks good news, it’s “me, me, me”, but when he steps in a pile its, “we, we, we”.

Here’s the real issue. We have been told for years that we cannot depend on nameless, vague “intelligence” that is used to commit our country to military action. Now, mired in serious scandal that at any other time in history, with any other party, would result in impeachment, our Administration finds it’s Grand Illusion. Or if you prefer, Grand Distraction. I want to see all the baby boomers, millennials, and peaceniks who have been squawking for so long, about so much, to stand up and say, “It was wrong for the previous administration to take us to war in another country, over incomplete information…..and it’s wrong now, regardless of politics”.

I won’t hold my breath……even though someone supposedly passed gas.

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The New Rome is Burning, So Where’s My Fiddle?

46 murders have taken place in Chicago so far this month ( thanks, redeyechicago ). Just a brief glance at the age, race, and circumstance show a less-than-shocking similarity. Victims range from being teenagers to young people in their twenties and thirties. Where is the Leader of the Free World? No comment? Last time I checked the guy who America elected to take more taxpayer funded vacations than anyone in history was from there. Or lived there. Or maybe went to college there. Or organized there. Well… I’m pretty sure he was there for awhile. Somebody had to vote “present” instead of yes or no at all those important Illinois state senate debates. Couldn’t all those victims have been his son? Or himself? Because, you know, if it wasn’t for the swanky, ritzy, private school-in-paradise experience that our Chief grew up with, any one of those victims coulda been him. Nothing says “from the Hood” like polo shirts, tennis clubs, fruity cocktails, and an educational resume that includes words like “academy”.

See, I don’t really care that much about the whole Zimmerman/Martin thing. All I know is that regardless of all the how and why of it, anyone who has ever been beat up understands. If you’ve never had another human being decide to sit on you and start your blood flowing with multiple blows to the face, shut up. Getting your ass kicked is a pretty scary experience, and if it’s never happened to you then you don’t know what you would do, or how you would react. Also, if your first reaction to some dumpy douchebag following you while you skulk around a neighborhood in the dark is to break their face open and then sit down to do some more, you’ve got some issues as well. So let’s move beyond the Nancy Grace hysterics, shall we?

My point is this : The world is on fire. And not just a little brush fire, either. More like a Germany-about-to-invade-Poland fire.
Like a break-out-the-marshmallows-cause-Hiroshima’s-on fire- fire. And where is the cool, calm and collected dude who’s claims to lower the seas and bring peace to the middle east? On vacation? Yakking it up at a $30,000 a plate fundraiser? Or on vacation. Again? Maybe this time the First Family will keep it to the mean streets of Martha’s Vineyard. ” Muffy, we’re all out of Pinot! The hyooomahniteee!”.

Egypt is a complete mess. But why, you ask? Didn’t we support the “Arab Spring”? By the way, that sounds like a really bad personal hygiene product. I’ve gotten a whiff of it and it really stinks. It smells like civil war in Syria, military coups in Egypt, expanding Iranian power, and the devolving of Turkey into an Islamic State.

Not to mention what’s happening here on the home front. Did you know that just a few short years ago there was 1 Trillion dollars in circulation, and today there is over 3? Can you wrap your brain around that? So, is your gas/groceries/rent/ more expensive, or is your hard-earned money worth a third of what it was? Guess what, it’s both…… and it hasn’t even hit us hard yet. Hey twenty-somethings, thanks to your power at the voting booth you now have to buy health insurance! Oh… you don’t need it or want it? Too freakin’ bad kiddos, cause you can either buy it or pay an ever-increasing fine! See, someone has to pay for the rest of our “free” healthcare, and it’s you. I got to spend all my money in my twenties on concert tickets and good times, because I was healthy and didn’t need or even think about insurance. On top of that, all those nifty ADHD and depression drugs you’ve been swallowing your whole life will follow you like a pickpocket in a foreign country. Good luck with that first serious job interview when your history of teary, sad, bed wetting that your folks got you medicated for shows up. Sweet!

But hey, don’t feel bad…. Jay-Z is doing a concert in the White House, LeBron’s getting warmed up on the private b-ball court, Bon Jovi’s bringing dinner, and Oprah is gonna say grace. Because that’s how all of us, including at-risk inner city kids, roll. I’m so glad we have a real outsider in charge, you know? At least he can relate. And hey, when the lights go out, don’t worry. We’ll keep warm by the light of the fire. Where’s my fiddle?

Go Ahead with Your Own Life, Leave Me Alone

You know, I hate to sound like a jerk, but shut up ex-presidents and veeps. Shut up Congress. In fact, if you work for a creepy, bloated government agency, or a creepy, bloated network, just shut up. I don’t need alot of protection from people in other parts of the world that I will never meet. I need to be protected FROM YOU. Listening to all of these wise people tell me they need to shield me from everything that could possibly cause me harm, I now realize that I am a moron. Replace my knives and forks with soft rubber sporks, because I might stab myself in my tiny little brain.

I realize that many folks that I respect, who aren’t dummies or drinking any parties’ Kool-Aid, strongly disagree with my logic on this, but……No one has a right to throw my liberty in the dustbin to “keep me safe’. I don’t care if we’re talking about automobiles, airport security, electronic communication or phone calls. Let me ask you this…. can I read your mail, look at your text messages and cellphone pictures? Can I come in your house while you’re gone and go through your drawers? Can I search your car? How about your kids if you’ve got ’em…. can I look through their stuff? Your husbands? Wives? Well Why not?

I’m a nice guy. I’m reasonably intelligent and I have your best interests at heart, I promise. With all due respect to our police and military ( who do a very difficult, underpaid job ), they are just people. The Elites inside the Washington beltway, some of who have been there three or more decades, are just people too. Granted they are freakish in many ways, they are still just folks like you and me (with power and millions of dollars). So if you wouldn’t want me to be a Peeping Tom in your family’s home and life, why allow countless, nameless others to be?

While we’re at it, what is safe? You could, while reading this, choke on your coffee or have an embolism. Some jerk could run off the road in a Hummer and barrel through your crib, not only ruining your flat screen, but ruining you as well. With all the threats to our well-being, it’s a miracle any of us survive long enough to fill a diaper. I could put you in an air-filtered, armored box and deliver your checked and approved meals to you. I would listen to your calls, read your mail, and give you your medication. I’d even provide for your healthcare. You’d be pretty safe then, right? Hey…… wait a second. That’s prison. I haven’t met many people who have been and called it a safe place, liked it, or wanted to return.

The world I grew up in is unfortunately gone. That statement is made worse by the fact that I’m really not that old .To give you an idea, I will have to pay full price for coffee at MickeyDees for another twenty years. Some of that change is, of course, inevitable. Technology has altered every aspect of our lives at a much more rapid pace than I can believe, and the pitfalls are as numerous as the benefits. The argument I run into the most is the technology problem. I will sum it up like this…… if you post pictures of your junk on Facespace or Mybook, then you made a decision to do so. Having that photo archived by the federal government is not your decision. See, we make a choice to use technology such as Google or Yahoo. We DO NOT make the choice to have that information compiled by Uncle Sam.

Here’s the rub….we are guaranteed Freedom of Speech by the Constitution. That right is recognized by the document, but granted by the Creator. If you know that your speech is cataloged and used against you at a later date, depending on your political persuasion, I can absolutely say with certainty that you will watch what you say. That is a de-facto infringement on our freedom of speech. When you’re afraid that what you say will come back to bite you, then you just might not say it in the first place. So, if you want to submit your speech to the Feds to keep you safe, so be it, just don’t ask, or force, me to. In other words, go ahead with your own life, leave me alone. ( Thanks, Billy Joel )

Orwell’s Grave is Smoking ‘Cause He’s Spinning So Fast in It

Here’s what I’m trying to wrap my brain around…..
In perusing the cable news world of talking-bobbleheads this morning, I have come to a somewhat shocking discovery. I say somewhat for this reason : I’m not surprised. Really I’m not shocked at all. I’m actually a little sad. Wanna know why?

I have seen the Right and the Left all over the news in the last 48 hours, both doing the same thing. You see, they finally found something to agree on. And the winner is……. screwing people like you and me. Whether it’s the IRS, or Benghazi, or to me the most troubling development, the NSA data collection bomb, all of our not-so-honorable, not-so-civic-minded “leaders” are in concurrence. We have no rights. If the need to tax, protect, medicate, or just make any decision affecting your life arises, we are not in charge. Now, I know that I travel in circles where lots of peeps will disagree with what I’m about to say. I don’t care…. because for now I have the right to say almost anything I want ( unless it’s hateful, potentially racist, potentially anti-LGBT, or just non-PC ). If you didn’t notice, I said “almost”, because our freedom has already been diminished.

I would rather the occasional really bad thing to happen if it means I am free. If you, on the other hand, are too stupid to manage your life’s decisions, no matter what they are, I really don’t care. You should not have the right to impede my freedom because you can’t handle yours. Enter our idiotic political class… ready to wipe your little bottom, read your ridiculous emails, prescribe your medication, tell you where to squat and push.

This should scare you. Why would anyone assume that the people we elect should build big bureaucracies filled with people we don’t elect, to spy on our every move? In fact, right now these very keystrokes are being logged and recorded into a massive file with the rest of my info. Our government is now the biggest, creepiest, dirtiest stalker ever. Worthy of a “Who the Bleep did I Marry?” on the Discovery Channel.

Maybe you are a democrat or republican that says, “hey, if we’re not doing anything bad we have nothing to be afraid of, right? I mean, if it makes us safe it’s ok, right?” Well, in fact, it’s not. That kind of thinking denotes the success of the Department of Education over the past 50 years. And with all due respect, that kind of thinking makes you an idiot.

To put it perspective, in the last 24 hours I have seen Barack Obama and Karl Rove say the exact same thing. Something to the effect of, ” Hey we live in a dangerous world and we need to yada, yada, yada.” Well it’s always been a dangerous world. In fact, it’s a much safer world than ever. Your great grandpa faced more danger standing on the south side of a half-ton farm animal tied to a plow. Like every day. Or maybe that cut or toothache would lead to your slow, painful death. Let that sink in for a moment.

If all of this data collecting and snooping on us is so helpful, how come we couldn’t catch the 2 Boston guys, Speedbump and his little bro? They were on Facebook, they wrote emails, they even travelled overseas to visit other bad guys. So if our government is spying on us to keep us safe, why didn’t it? I’ll tell you why. Because our omnipotent government isn’t at war with those freaks. They know the risk from them is relatively small in the scheme of things. They are at war WITH US. With your God-given freedom. With your right to speak freely. With your personal liberty. With your right to own property. With the very idea that “we the people” hold the tail of the tiger. Because the tiger is our government, and it’s tired of being caged by our rights and constitution. The tiger thinks it’s about time to be loose in the streets to devour whatever it wants.

And if you don’t get it, or don’t care, or think it’s ok in the name of safety, watch out. There’s a hungry tiger out there, and we’re whats for dinner.