There Aren’t Enough Clown Names

Just who are these people? I have spent a couple of weeks trying to discern the answer to this question. I’m sorry to say that even with what I consider judicious scrutiny, the “people’ who are running are government are seriously lacking in almost every way. We are led by a pack of freaks, and if they were sitting next to you on a park bench ( not that they would because none of them would willingly get that close to you unless you’re a lobbyist or prostitute, or both) you would quickly get up, check your wallet, and then douse yourself with hand sanitizer.

I find myself seriously wondering what the heck is going on. How did any of these weirdos get elected to what should be a very serious undertaking? It’s like being in the elevator with a dude that has really bad hairplugs. You’re thinking, ” Does homie have a mirror at home? How could he not know he looks like a Ken-Doll with half of its hair pulled out?” Well, not only does homie not know, he thinks you’re looking because he’s so hot. If you’ve never known someone who is truly deluded, look no further than Washington D.C..

When was the last time you saw a real person run for office? Off the top of my head I can think of just a couple of examples…. and if I’m not mistaken, none of them win. And if they do win, they are quickly pulled aside by the David Axelrods and Karl Roves of the world and told just where to squat and push. And if they can’t play ball, you say? Well then my guess is a photo of them in bed with a dead girl or live boy, or both, show up in the New York Times. And no, Anthony Weiner and Elliot Spitzer have not been set up, they’re just run-of-the-mill power mad sleazebags.

Let’s say you’re a blue collar guy or gal, you work hard, you pay your taxes, you try to follow most of the rules. Your Grandpa voted democrat, he was a good guy, so you do too. Besides, you’ve been told just how much these guys care about you….heck, they can really relate. Let’s take a look at a couple of these down to earth reps for the little guy ( and just hold on repubs, your paragraph comes next ). Let’s start with someone we all know, Nancy Pelosi. The Democrat Representative from California has a net worth of at least 24 Million Dollars. This includes a swanky California Vineyard that sells roughly half a million bucks worth of grapes every year. Yes, Nationalized Healthcare advocates, your champion could easily pay you and your family’s medical expenses forever off of the interest her dough makes. On to another stalwart of the little guy, or I should say gal, because everyone associates this next winner with Women’s Rights. It’s Senator Dianne Feinstein, Democrat from California, who is worth somewhere in the neighborhood of 41 Million dollars. And irony of ironies, her hubby is Dick Blum…. Prez and CEO of Blum Capital Partners LP, you know, one of those really evil private equity firms. Another prime example is of course the unflappable Senator Jay Rockefeller of West Virginia. He’s sliding into home this year with a net worth of about 83 Million. I’ve been to West Virginia, and I’m pretty sure that’s more Cheese than everyone else in the state put together. And here’s the really funny part. Most of that cheddar comes from family oil money. I’d be laughing if I could afford it.

But hold on there you so called “conservatives”….. I have a couple of examples for you too. You’ve seen alot of this guy on CSPAN lately, and he’s all vim, vigor and hair dye. It’s Darrell Issa, Republican Senator from California. He’s rollin’ Oprah style with at least 350 Million under the mattress. Hey, I thought California was broke? I’m sure out of good conscience all of these Statesmen and Women from Cali are stuffing their tax forms full of extra cash to help out the common peeps who pay the huge taxes levied on them in the Promised Land. Don’t hold your breath California, even though it would help the environment ’cause your exhale is now considered a pollutant, halitosis or no. Next stop, Senator Bob Corker, Republican from Tennessee. This good ‘ole boy from the Volunteer State is worth at least 16 million. I know people from Tennessee, and I’m pretty sure his bank account does not represent the average citizen of the state. Round it out with this year’s big loser, Rep. Michael McCaul, Republican from Texas. See, last year he was pulling about 300 million give or take, and he lost half of it. Now he’s only got 114 million to fall back on. Man, I bet there’s some sleepless nights at his estate wondering how he’s gonna keep the family fed. Guess it’s nothin’ but Hamburger Helper and Ramen Noodles for you, buddy. The only advantage the R’s have in this is at least they’re not on TV daily talking about how they can relate to the guy working the MickeyDee’s drivethru.

And let’s not forget the Executive Branch. Barry and Michelle are worth at least 11 million, respectively. For those under 25 enrolled in college, that’s about 22 million collectively. Just for kicks I wanted to work in John Kerry and his wife, Teresa, only because he’s getting by with about 194 million and she’s banking roughly 200 Million. Can you even imagine having that kind of money? And just why do any of these people actually work in government? Normal folks would probably take it easy after a ship like that comes in, but if your goal is true power, you know, the power to control all of us like pawns on a chessboard, you gotta keep goin’, man. Or maybe you are so deluded by your Party Affiliation that you just keep on defending your guy,’cause you think admitting that you’ve been suckered would be a huge blow to your ego. Or maybe, just maybe, you actually think they believe in what they’re selling. That they DO want to help you, that you do have an advocate in government. That they want “free” healthcare for you, or “clean” water and air. Or that they want you to be successful and prosperous, and to be able to achieve their level of wealth and power. If I just described you, then pardon me while I endlessly laugh and cry at the same time. Because not only do you have serious thinking problems, you are feeding the fleas and ticks that suck the lifeblood out of what was created by better men than we currently have in Washington.

Because no matter the Party, no matter the Cause, it’s a game to all of these Senators, Representatives, Presidents and Appointees. And you wanna know something? We don’t ever win. That’s why I prefer to think of it as a circus. A circus that has nothing but Clowns. The only problem I can see is…… There aren’t enough Clown Names.

( Thanks to CQ Roll Call and Celebrity Net Worth for my Net Worth figures )

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Oh No…… It’s Mr. Bill Oh’ Really!

Aside

  There’s a troubling trend I’ve been noticing in the last few days. Well… to be honest, it’s not new, and not that many are troubled by it. Maybe that’s what I find so irritating. I just watched a clip of “King Loofa”, otherwise known as Bill O’Reilly, once again pontificating on television while slathered in what looks like oompa-loompah make up.  His grand, arrogant oration to a member of the opposition to nationalized healthcare made me want to spit out my Kroger-brand coffee. 

  His (paraphrased)  point was this: ” Hey, you guys know you’re not going to win this de-fund Obamacare thing…. you know it’s a fight you can’t win…. so why are you fighting it? What’s wrong with you guys? You must be stupid or crazy or both.” Well why don’t we change Bill’s name to Bill Oh Really? I thought this nation was founded on the very notion that some fights are worth fighting. Even when it’s against all odds, even when everyone says it can’t be done. Defeat the most powerful empire on earth? Nah.. Create a republic of free men and women that takes the power from an Aristocracy and gives it to ordinary folks? Nah…. Impossible. So why try? 

  It brings to mind just a few examples of people who spit in the face of Bill Oh Really’s “wisdom”.  I’ve already mentioned the founding of our country, so let’s start there. Do you think that George Washington had confidence in his ability to defeat the armies of the British Crown?  Well I don’t think he did. In fact, if not for the outcome achieved, and with the exception of the Battle of Trenton, Washington kinda sucked at winning any engagement with the British.  His crowning achievement was probably not getting shot right out of his saddle every time he lined the Colonials up for the slaughter.  To me it seems that it surely must have been Providence that we came out on top of the struggle for Independence.

  Let’s make a stab at another individual that made the impossible possible.  Take a look around you wherever you are right now.  Are the lights on? Can you read at night without dripping wax all over you? Let’s forget the whole flourescent bulb fiasco for a second, as that’s the subject for another day.  Electric light has changed the world in a way that almost nothing else has.  Mankind finally did what was thought to be a pipe dream. Bring light to darkness, safety to lurking danger, with the flip of a switch.  Thomas Edison tried hundreds of time to invent the lightbulb. and I’m sure the Oh Really’s of the world told him, “hey, it’s not going to work, it’s a fight you can’t win…. so cut it out already will you?”.  Well I’m glad the Sultan of Shower Scrubbers wasn’t there to, pardon the pun, illuminate him on the futility of his endeavor. 

And finally, I wonder what Mr. Bill would say to Martin Luther King jr. and other civil rights activists of the sixties? Surely they were also told, “Hey…. what you’re doing is impossible. You’re just making a stink for something that you know will never happen.” I guess he’d line up with guys like Democrat Senator Strom Thurmond or Klan member Senator Robert Byrd, Democrat from West Virginia, who personally stood at the podium for over 14 hours to try to block the Civil Rights Act. Or guys like George Wallace, and yes he’s another Democrat , who stood in multiple schoolhouse doors to block innocent children from going to school.

I was under the impression that I was fortunately born somewhere where the impossible is made possible. I thought this was the Nation of Underdogs. I thought this was perhaps the only place on the face of the earth where if you could dream it, you could do it. Because sometimes you fight because it’s the right thing to do, no matter the odds, no matter the cost. History is made by men and women who looked poo-pooers like Bill O’ Reilly in the face and said, “Impossible, huh? We’ll see about that.”

The New Rome is Burning, So Where’s My Fiddle?

46 murders have taken place in Chicago so far this month ( thanks, redeyechicago ). Just a brief glance at the age, race, and circumstance show a less-than-shocking similarity. Victims range from being teenagers to young people in their twenties and thirties. Where is the Leader of the Free World? No comment? Last time I checked the guy who America elected to take more taxpayer funded vacations than anyone in history was from there. Or lived there. Or maybe went to college there. Or organized there. Well… I’m pretty sure he was there for awhile. Somebody had to vote “present” instead of yes or no at all those important Illinois state senate debates. Couldn’t all those victims have been his son? Or himself? Because, you know, if it wasn’t for the swanky, ritzy, private school-in-paradise experience that our Chief grew up with, any one of those victims coulda been him. Nothing says “from the Hood” like polo shirts, tennis clubs, fruity cocktails, and an educational resume that includes words like “academy”.

See, I don’t really care that much about the whole Zimmerman/Martin thing. All I know is that regardless of all the how and why of it, anyone who has ever been beat up understands. If you’ve never had another human being decide to sit on you and start your blood flowing with multiple blows to the face, shut up. Getting your ass kicked is a pretty scary experience, and if it’s never happened to you then you don’t know what you would do, or how you would react. Also, if your first reaction to some dumpy douchebag following you while you skulk around a neighborhood in the dark is to break their face open and then sit down to do some more, you’ve got some issues as well. So let’s move beyond the Nancy Grace hysterics, shall we?

My point is this : The world is on fire. And not just a little brush fire, either. More like a Germany-about-to-invade-Poland fire.
Like a break-out-the-marshmallows-cause-Hiroshima’s-on fire- fire. And where is the cool, calm and collected dude who’s claims to lower the seas and bring peace to the middle east? On vacation? Yakking it up at a $30,000 a plate fundraiser? Or on vacation. Again? Maybe this time the First Family will keep it to the mean streets of Martha’s Vineyard. ” Muffy, we’re all out of Pinot! The hyooomahniteee!”.

Egypt is a complete mess. But why, you ask? Didn’t we support the “Arab Spring”? By the way, that sounds like a really bad personal hygiene product. I’ve gotten a whiff of it and it really stinks. It smells like civil war in Syria, military coups in Egypt, expanding Iranian power, and the devolving of Turkey into an Islamic State.

Not to mention what’s happening here on the home front. Did you know that just a few short years ago there was 1 Trillion dollars in circulation, and today there is over 3? Can you wrap your brain around that? So, is your gas/groceries/rent/ more expensive, or is your hard-earned money worth a third of what it was? Guess what, it’s both…… and it hasn’t even hit us hard yet. Hey twenty-somethings, thanks to your power at the voting booth you now have to buy health insurance! Oh… you don’t need it or want it? Too freakin’ bad kiddos, cause you can either buy it or pay an ever-increasing fine! See, someone has to pay for the rest of our “free” healthcare, and it’s you. I got to spend all my money in my twenties on concert tickets and good times, because I was healthy and didn’t need or even think about insurance. On top of that, all those nifty ADHD and depression drugs you’ve been swallowing your whole life will follow you like a pickpocket in a foreign country. Good luck with that first serious job interview when your history of teary, sad, bed wetting that your folks got you medicated for shows up. Sweet!

But hey, don’t feel bad…. Jay-Z is doing a concert in the White House, LeBron’s getting warmed up on the private b-ball court, Bon Jovi’s bringing dinner, and Oprah is gonna say grace. Because that’s how all of us, including at-risk inner city kids, roll. I’m so glad we have a real outsider in charge, you know? At least he can relate. And hey, when the lights go out, don’t worry. We’ll keep warm by the light of the fire. Where’s my fiddle?